The Stranger's Child

Surrogacy disrupts the fairytale narrative of giving birth. It is difficult to imagine anything other than the sweaty, blissfully quiet canoodling of mother and child after the drama of delivery. It is equally difficult to imagine any response other than pure psychological devastation after giving birth to a child who is immediately handed off to strangers and never seen again. Yet, most surrogates have other things on their minds.

In a study conducted in Isfahan, Iran, eight surrogate mothers were interviewed concerning the emotional effects of serving as a uterus-for-hire. Although a few felt that they had bonded with the infant, most did not develop a sense of motherhood for the child they carried.

Pressing issues stemmed from their personal lives: how to explain the situation to their children, family and friends; whether their husband felt comfortable having sex with them while they carried the child of another; and fear that an unhealthy baby would be rejected by the adoptive parents or that necessary expenses would not be covered.

While eight women cannot be expected to represent the experiences of surrogate mothers worldwide, their insight is of significance: surrogacy is not inherently bad for women. I see this as an important note of female empowerment—women are not simply creatures subject to their emotions; they are hardy humans capable of a phenomenal task.